Of Mages and Mishaps
by havarti2
Summary: When a sailor-mouthed otaku falls into the world of Fairy Tail, what chaos will ensue? I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL. Rated T for lots and lots of language...
1. Chapter 1

I could have never expected this. I was more likely to be hit by lightning. I was more likely to be attacked by a shark. It was even more likely that there would be eternal world peace. But this, this was impossible. I was teleported to a place that doesn't even exist. I got sucked into the town of Magnolia, home of the Fairy Tail guild.

Let's start at the beginning. My name is Alaska Peters. Yeah, like the 49th state and the guy's name. Get over it. Anyway, I'm 17 years young (or old, whatever you frickin' prefer), 5 foot 7 inches tall, red-headed as frick, blue-eyed as shit, and have (as I'm told) a hella bad attitude. Apparently, I have the biggest sailor's mouth since the invention of sailors. Well, damn you, person who invented sailors. Thanks for making a word for my potty mouth.

So, back to the story. I was watching anime over the weekend (tell anyone I like anime and I will kill you). Anime was a nice little escape from the hellhole we call school and life in general. When life gives you lemons, eat them and watch anime while enjoying your lemony snack. Screw limes. But that's besides the point.

I was watching Fairy Tail on Saturday (on YouTube, of course) and I saw a suggested video that I just so happened to click on. The Fairy Tail opening theme played while the screen was pitch black. I reached out to give it a good whack for being so frickin' laggy. As soon as my hand touched the screen, my hand went right through it. _Well, frick._ I thought as I was sucked through the damn computer screen.

Inside the computer was different than I expected. It was swirly and rainbow-y and crap. It gave me a headache. I got this tingling feeling and it felt like my body got all magic-y. I looked around and came face to face with a dragon. A big-ass dragon. _Holy shit_. It looked me dead in the eye and its ice breath blasted me fully. I wiped my face and was about to yell the crap out of that dragon, but it opened its mouth again.

"What have I told you about your mouth, young lady? Be more mindful of your tongue before I come and tear it out. I swear I raised you better than this, Alaska Peters, or I am not your mother, Aella, dragon of ice," she scolded. Wait. Since when is my mom a FRICKIN DRAGON!? MY MOM ISN'T A FRICKIN DRAGON!

"Mind yourself, Alaska. Or you will be in real trouble in this world. Now behave," The dragon warned, spreading her wings and flying off into the rainbow-y distance.

"YOU AREN'T MY GODDAMN MOM! YOU'RE A FRICKIN' DRAGON!" I screamed at her, face flushing with anger. A ringing sound came from in front of me and I turned to it. I really wish I hadn't frickin' done that.

The ringing came from a brightest light I'd ever seen in my damn life. Slowly, I reached for it. Worst frickin' mistake yet. It pulled me in without warning, me screaming a shitload of curses and general screaming, until I landed in a giant-ass tree. I broke through the branches really fast, falling to my presumed death. Hell, was I wrong.

I ended up crashing to the ground with maybe 27 scrapes and bruises. I stood up and looked around. I was in the middle of a park, surrounded by what looked like a town. A train could be heard from the distance. Most of the buildings were made of brick and stone. A river ran through the near-center of town. Brushing myself off, I decided to wander around town and see if there was any inn that I could stay at.

After aimlessly walking around for maybe two and a half hours, I saw a fairly large building that read _Fairy Tail_ across the sign above the door. _Oh well, why the frick not,_ I thought as I walked through the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

Inside this building was like nothing I'd ever seen before. NOT. I was standing in the Fairy Tail guildhall. THE FAIRY TAIL GUILDHALL. As in the very same guildhall where Team Natsu, Team Shadowgear, The Thunder Legion, The Exceed Squad, the Strauss siblings, Laxus, Laki, Cana, Gildarts, Max, Warren, Nab, Alzack, Bisca, Macao, Romeo, Wakaba, Loke (Leo), Gajeel, Juvia, Wendy, Mystogan, Vijeeter, Kinana, Doranbolt, Reedus, Master Mavis, and Master Makarov all were a part of in the anime (and manga). The motherfrickin' Fairy Tail guildhall. _HOLY SHIT._

I took a few more steps into the guild when a chair came flying at my face. A goddamn chair. Not knowing what to do, I tried the first thing that I thought of: Ice-Make magic. I'd seen Gray, Ur, Ultear, and Lyon (Velveno didn't really count) do it a hella lot of times and I (when I was a weeaboo first into the fandom) had tried it myself, with the 100% chance of failure. _Well, here goes nothing except maybe my face and low self-esteem,_ I thought as I hurriedly got myself into a stance. Closing my fist, I braced myself for an unavoidable chair to the face.

"ICE-MAKE WALL!" I shouted, opening my fist. A frickin' ice wall sprouted out of the floor in front of me. The chair harmlessly bounced off of the wall and hit Elfman in the back of the head.

"HEY, WHICH ONE OF YOU HIT ME WITH THE CHAIR?! FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL MAN!" He shouted back, stomping around looking for the one who hit him with the chair, aka me.

"Hi there! Can I help you?" A friendly voice said from somewhere in front of me. I looked around the barrier I had created. The voice came from the one and only Mirajane Strauss. The She Devil herself.

"Um… I guess hiding me from Beast Boy would be a start…" I suggested, ducking out of Elfman's view.

"Oh, so you hit him with the chair. Alright. Just blame it on someone else. That's what everyone else does," Mira replied, smiling. Sometimes, I forget that she turns into the frickin' devil.

"Uh… thanks… who to blame, who to blame…" I thanked Mira (only so I wouldn't get on her bad side; otherwise I wouldn't have) and looked around the guildhall, picking my victim for Elfman's bitch-fit.

My eyes landed on none other than Natsu Dragneel, the Salamander himself. Perfect. He can take a bitch slap or two from Elfman. _It's not like it hasn't happened before. I mean, Natsu fights Elfman almost as much as he fights Gray or Gajeel…_ I thought as I turned to the Take-over mage.

"Hey, Elfman! I think I saw Natsu throw that chair!" I shouted at the 'real man'.

"OH REALLY? THANKS!" he yelled back at me, storming towards the Fire Dragonslayer, yelling all the while. "HEY YOU WANNA FIGHT NATSU?! WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, THROWING A CHAIR AT ME?! THAT WASN'T REALLY MANLY! FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL MAN!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? I DIDN'T THROW ANY CHAIRS AT YOU! BUT IF IT'S A FIGHT YOU WANT, IT'S A FIGHT YOU'LL GET!" Natsu yelled back, fist on fire, charging straight at Elfman.

A battle ensued while I ran and hid. When the FRICK did I become such a scaredy cat!? Not that I'm scared…

"Hey, who are you? Are you new to the guild?" a voice asked from behind me. I turned around to see a nearly fully-naked Gray Fullbuster staring me down.

"Um… clothes, Gray," I said, trying to show as little emotion as possible. Holy crap it's hard not to fangirl! I would never be so weeaboo-ish in my life…

"What the-! Wait, how did you know my name?" he asked, tilting his head while putting his clothes back on.

"Uh…" _OH FUCK. AND I DO MEAN FUCK_ _ **(which I only save for when I really screw up big time)**_ _. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO GRAY!? I'M SO FUCKED!_ "Um… well… you see…"

"MY DARLING GRAY! HOW DARE YOU TALK IN SUCH A MANNER WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! SHE'S TRYING TO WIN MY DARLING'S HEART, ISN'T SHE!?" Juvia burst into 'our' hiding spot.

"I'M NOT YOUR DARLING!" Gray yelled, running away from the crazed 'lover' chasing him. I breathed a sigh of relief. That was too goddamn close. I'll have to thank Juvia later… only to be… ugh… polite.

I walked cautiously out of my hiding spot and over to Mira. I sat at the bar. "So, Mira, um… is it possible for me to join the guild?" I asked, twiddling my thumbs.

"Sure! Let me just get Master, though. He'll need to know," Mira replied, heading up the stairs, leaving me amidst the chaos of Natsu and Elfman's battle.

As I looked around the guild, I couldn't help but smirk at the hellish scene before me. It was frickin' chaos to say the least. Chairs were being thrown around the guildhall, everyone was brawlin' like a gang fight, booze was spilled pretty much everywhere. It was frickin' awesome.

"So, you're the wizard who's looking to join the guild. What's your name, child?" Master Makarov asked, appearing beside me. I jumped, not noticing him walk over. Since when was Makarov a goddamn ninja!?

"The name's Alaska Peters. Nice ta meetcha," I introduced myself.

"Alright, Alaska. If you don't mind me asking, what type of magic do you use?" he asked, eyeing the wall of ice I had previously created to save my face.

I panicked. Was I an Ice-Make wizard like Gray? But there was that dragon, saying she was my mom… Was I a Dragonslayer?

"That is for me to know and you to find out," I replied quickly, trying to hide my anxiousness. _WHEN THE FRICK DID I START ACTING LIKE A MARY-SUE!? GODDAMNIT, MARY-SUES!_

Makarov (surprisingly) nodded. "If you don't want to tell, it's up to you. Welcome to Fairy Tail, Alaska Peters." He smiled.

"Thanks, I guess." I replied, trying to be… ugh… polite as possible. _Oh why the hell did I click that link the first place?_

"So what color guildmark do you want and where?" Mira asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Uh… On my right shoulder, like where Natsu has his. Color doesn't matter to me." I answered, trying to look friendly (which I was never goddamn good at).

Mira wordlessly put the stamp on my arm. A silver Fairy Tail guildmark appeared, magically brandished onto my skin. I smirked, looking down at my guildmark. Silver is the best frickin' color EVER. "Nice. Thanks." I said, still not wanting to get on Mira's bad side.

"You're welcome!" She responded, cheery as usual.


End file.
